Sunday, April 12, 2009

The other women...?

My husband has twins from a previous relationship. We have been married for 7 years now but on mothers day and other occasions he sends her flowers without me knowing. Should I be jealous or just leave it alone? I let him know after I found a credit card statement for flower purchases and told him to just send her a card instead and to please let me know but he got all defensive...should I be worried?

The other women...?
you knew he had twins before you got married. i assume you understand where babies come from, so why are you upset that he still acknowledges his children%26#039;s mother? i think it shows that he is a thoughtful, stand-up guy who wants his children to know that he values their mother. you are acting like a child. be happy that you have such a considerate, mature man. why would you want him to downgrade the gift to a card? that is really petty of you. you have the man, a card or flowers doesn%26#039;t change that. she%26#039;s the mother of his children, and he still appreciates that. if you two ever break up, wouldn%26#039;t you still want him to acknowledge that you gave birth to any children you may have together? grow up, stop pouting, and apologize.





btw, he probably hid it because you knows how jealous and insecure you are and that you would freak out and throw a little fit about it. turns out...he was right.





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Reply:You said OUR money...so he has just as much right to spend it as you do. I think it%26#039;s classy and respectful that he still acknowledges his ex%26#039;s role in creating those children. As long as he%26#039;s not intimately involved with her, what%26#039;s the big deal?? Would you rather he be harsh and rude to her?
Reply:She%26#039;s still the mother of his children.





He%26#039;s not sending roses, is he?
Reply:I wouldn%26#039;t like it but he has a kid with her maybe not the flowers but a card would be OK I guess you did the right thing I%26#039;m sure its fine hes with you not her
Reply:You should just leave it alone! SHE is the Mother of his children and the gesture he is making is out of respect for her position. He is doing a very good thing, not only because he%26#039;s obviously a class act but because it shows his children that he still respects their Mother.


Your confrontations are going to cause nothing but trouble and if your reactions to things he does independent of you is this latest reaction, then you are going to cause a tension that will only become resented by him and he%26#039;ll be sure to keep you in the dark in other areas as well.


Contrary to popular belief, when you marry another person, you don%26#039;t give up your independence all the way. One of the main components in a marriage is Trust. You might need to work on that. Celebrate the individuality of eachother and have faith that at the end of the day, you will both come together and share what your day consisted of .
Reply:Thats exactly why I don%26#039;t date men with children!
Reply:He should feel comfortable enough to tell you. Maybe he didn%26#039;t because he didn%26#039;t want to deal with your reaction. And, honestly you proved him right. Do you really think it%26#039;s your place to tell him what to give the mother of his children for Mother%26#039;s Day? He is not a child. If he wants to spend $50 on flowers it is his choice.


There is nothing to be jealous of. you should appreciate the fact that he is sweet enough to recognize her for giving him his children.


I would apologize for getting upset and then ask that he just tell you about stuff like that in the future. That you won%26#039;t get mad, but you would like to be included.
Reply:I don%26#039;t think you should be upset. She is the mother of his children and he may be sending them from the kids. There%26#039;s no need to be worried. I wish you the best of luck!
Reply:These people are crazy...When men start hiding things BEWARE! I understand him showing appreciation to the mother of his children but does he have to do it with flowers? I agree that you should advise your husband to only send her a card. You are his wife now. She is his EX wife. If he wants to send flowers, they should be sent to you.


Also, no one else seem to acknowledge the fact that he sends her flowers on OTHER OCCASSIONS as well. You need to put a stop to that.
Reply:Sounds like you married a very nice considerate man... what%26#039;s the problem?
Reply:I would be upset if I found out my present was making purchases for his X. In situations like that, I think that the spouse should always be aware of what%26#039;s going on because it doesn%26#039;t leave any room for speculation. I have children, and their father has remarried, he and I don%26#039;t exchange any gifts except on Mother%26#039;s day and Father%26#039;s day out of respect for one another. It%26#039;s usually a card and a small gift honoring him as the father of my children and vice versa for me. When you do things for the X%26#039;s in secret, it looks as though you are hiding something.
Reply:I think its wrong for him to send her a gift unless it is supposed to be from her kids but of course he has to buy them. If it is directly from him then that%26#039;s wrong she isn%26#039;t his mom to be pampering. If it bothers you ask that he tries to not spend money on a gift even if it is from their children. Maybe the kids can make their own home-made cards or something?
Reply:She produced his children. Gotta show her some respect. How do you know he doesn%26#039;t send the flowers on behalf of the kids?
Reply:you should not be jealous, the woman is a mother because of him....it only seems right that he would send her flowers. Because even if he is not with her i am sure he is still proud of what they created together



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